{"id":2732,"date":"2023-04-17T19:36:40","date_gmt":"2023-04-17T19:36:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/funnymuscle.com\/?p=2732"},"modified":"2023-06-24T20:59:14","modified_gmt":"2023-06-24T20:59:14","slug":"diary-of-americas-shrink-socialism-and-jesus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/funnymuscle.com\/diary-of-americas-shrink-socialism-and-jesus\/","title":{"rendered":"Diary of America&#8217;s Shrink: Socialism and Jesus"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"2732\" class=\"elementor elementor-2732\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-d416d2c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"d416d2c\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 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class=\\\"widgettitle\\\">\",\"after_title\":\"<\\\/h3>\",\"widget_id\":\"arbitrary-instance-67ba26afe2937\"}  \n        <\/script><script>if(typeof setIronAudioplayers !== \"undefined\"){ setIronAudioplayers(\"arbitrary-instance-67ba26afe2937\"); }<\/script><\/article>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3f6c2ff elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3f6c2ff\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4><strong><em>*** Warning: these notes are for personal and private use only ***<\/em><\/strong><\/h4><p><strong>Monday, April 17, 2023<\/strong><\/p><p><strong><em>From the Desk of Klaus Terrance Corbin, MD<\/em><\/strong><\/p><p><strong>Initial Notes<\/strong>\u00a0\u2013 regarding new client:<\/p><ul><li><strong>Name:\u00a0<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/United_States\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">America<\/a>\u00a0the Country<\/li><li><strong>Nickname: <\/strong>Uncle Sam<\/li><li><strong>Birth Date: <\/strong>7\/4\/1776<\/li><li><strong>Age: <\/strong>247-years<\/li><li><strong>Weight: <\/strong>76 billion collective pounds (&lt;&lt;&lt; possible obesity situation)<\/li><li><strong>Height: <\/strong>@ 5\u2019 9\u201d<\/li><li><strong>Health Plan: <\/strong>out-of-pocket<\/li><li>At his initial consultation, America told check-in specialist (<a href=\"https:\/\/funnymuscle.com\/funny-muscle-mike-lukas-home\/about-mike-lukas-funny-muscle\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Claudia<\/a>) that he\u2019s been suffering from major depression and social anxiety mixed with violent tendencies<\/li><li>symptoms include unchecked weight gain, financial struggles, difficulty with business and personal relationships, unbalanced priorities, loss of purpose<\/li><li>has never been to psychotherapist prior, has expressed doubts about the process, said it was for \u201cwimps and celebrities\u201d<\/li><li>Possible unresolved parental issues, narcissism, in denial of a guilt-complex.<\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-cc43723 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"cc43723\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-0edbf94\" data-id=\"0edbf94\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6b3c5f7 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"6b3c5f7\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4><strong><em>Transcript of today\u2019s\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/basics\/therapy#:~:text=Psychotherapy%2C%20also%20called%20talk%20therapy,distress%20and%20mental%20health%20problems.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">session<\/a><strong><em>:<\/em><\/strong><\/h4><p>Dr. Klaus Terrance Corbin: Uncle Sam, good to see you, come on in. Make yourself comfortable.<\/p><p>America: Hiya, Doc, long time no see, huh? Geezus, smells like a cranberry farted in here.<\/p><p>KTC: Apologies. That\u2019s the Febreze.<\/p><p>A: Whew, that stuff could burn a hole in the ozone. Not that I\u2019d stop you from doing that. Heh heh.<\/p><p>KTC: You don\u2019t believe in protecting the environment?<\/p><p>A: Eh, been there, done that, tired of leading the pack and paying for everything like a sucker.<\/p><p>KTC: That\u2019s understandable.<\/p><p>A: Goddamn right it is, Doc. You can\u2019t get the Chinese and the Indians \u2013 the ones from India, not ours &#8211; to stop spittin\u2019 out that CO2. They churn that shit out like black cotton candy. If they don\u2019t care, why should we?\u00a0<\/p><p>KTC: Tell me, Uncle Sam, does leading the world in that way make you uncomfortable?<\/p><p>A: Sheeyit. If by uncomfortable you mean pissed off, then hell yeah, I\u2019m majorly uncomfortable. As in sweaty balls on a hot vinyl car seat uncomfortable.<\/p><p>KTC: Explore that anger, America.<\/p><p>A: What\u2019s to explore? A sucker\u2019s born every minute and nice guys finish last. I\u2019m tired of being the world\u2019s biggest sucker. Why do I gotta do the right thing, trapping wind and solar like some desperate Naked and Afraid punk, while everybody else in the world is having a grand old time burning coal and oil, selling smack and hookers, and making beaucoup money?<\/p><p>KTC: Sometimes leadership requires sacrifice.<\/p><p>A: No shit, Sherlock. You don\u2019t think I\u2019ve been sacrificing my ass off? You know how many fat military contracts I\u2019ve had to drop because the internet got everybody all soft on war? Let\u2019s just say that there a few South American nations that should thank Google and YouTube for forcing us to let them keep their valuables.<\/p><p>KTC: Talk about that for a bit.<\/p><p>A: Well, we can\u2019t kill foreigners for their oil and diamonds anymore. Not without everyone pissing and moaning about civilian casualties and mommy and daddy soldiers missing Christmas back home. That one viral video of the drunk baby kissing the returning soldier-daddy at the airport absolutely destroyed our Afghanistan money maker.<\/p><p>KTC: Good Lord. Was the baby really drunk?<\/p><p>A: That f\u2019n toddler was hammered. It\u2019s hilarious. I\u2019ll text you the link after our session.<\/p><p>KTC: Can you tell me how this major shift in military policy has affected you as a county?<\/p><p>A: Well, I\u2019m having to make ends meet in other ways.<\/p><p>KTC: Do you consider that a bad thing?<\/p><p>A: I don\u2019t know, Doc, you tell me. They got me doing sports betting and selling weed right now. I swore I\u2019d never get to that point but I gotta make ends meet somehow.<\/p><p>KTC: How do you feel about those activities perhaps enabling addictive behavior and putting financial stress on families?<\/p><p>A: To be honest, none of that crossed my mind because I\u2019ve been too busy cashing all those fat weed checks and making billions in gambling bank.<\/p><p>KTC:\u00a0 So it&#8217;s about the money?<\/p><p>A: Oh, grow up, doc. Why else would I let my people bet on fixed games and legally smoke up?\u00a0<\/p><p>KTC: There are actually scientifically proven health benefits to marijuana and CBC oil.<\/p><p>A: Sorry, I\u2019m sort of meh on science these days.<\/p><p>KTC: You do realize that science is an area where you actually are number one in the world?<\/p><p>A: Yeah, but a lot of these new findings go against my beliefs in God.<\/p><p>KTC: Wait, I have you listed as Agnostic.<\/p><p>A: Eh. That was the old me. The new me is thinking a lot about Jesus and shit.<\/p><p>KTC: Isn\u2019t part of your claim to fame a division of church and state?<\/p><p>A: That\u2019s bullshit. Fake news.<\/p><p>KTC: Those are literally the words of your founding fathers.<\/p><p>A: Look, Doc, there are a lot of crazy Socialists out there right now trying to do Socialist things to make me more Socialist. God and Jesus are my only protection from all that.<\/p><p>KTC: Talk more about what you mean by Socialist.<\/p><p>A: You know, giving an f- about all the losers who slip through the cracks. Not my problem.<\/p><p>KTC: Are you referring to the underprivileged and the handicapped and the sick and elderly?<\/p><p>A: Exactly. All unemployed losers. These Socialists want me to give free money to those deadbeats and immigrants instead of forcing them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps like my founding fathers did.<\/p><p>KTC: I believe most of your founding fathers created their wealth using slaves.<\/p><p>A: Potayta, potahtah, Doc, I\u2019m f\u2019n America and we\u2019re f\u2019n Americans. We\u2019re all in the same boat so nobody deserves a handout.<\/p><p>KTC: Wouldn\u2019t a more apt metaphor be that we\u2019re all in the same storm, but some of us are in yachts, others in canoes, and still others don\u2019t even have a boat?<\/p><p>A: Yeah, I saw that meme, too, Doc, but I\u2019m still totally against that kind of Socialism. I bet ten-to-one that my Jesus would feel the same way.<\/p><p>KTC: Hm. We\u2019re about out time here\u2026.<\/p><p>A: I know, I know, it\u2019s time for me to pay for your 10-minute mental break between sessions.<\/p><p>KTC: Do you not believe in taking a moment to rest your mind?<\/p><p>A: Eh, I don\u2019t go for that loopy Oprah woo woo shit, no offense Doc. I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s good for you to quiet your mind or question your inner thoughts. Let them roll, otherwise it costs billions in restitution and equality measures, believe me. My inner thoughts are rolling right now. They\u2019re telling me that as soon as I leave here I\u2019m rolling myself a fatty and snagging some Mickey D\u2019s.<\/p><p>KTC: I\u2019ll see you again next week.<\/p><p>A: Not if I see you first, Doc. I\u2019m just fucking with you.<\/p><p>KTC: Good day, America.<\/p><p>A: Time to get fucked up.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8524ccd elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"8524ccd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><strong>Final Notes: <\/strong>patient&#8217;s narcissistic tendencies coupled with a denial of whatever reality doesn&#8217;t line up with his preconceived notions all getting worse. His crudeness and selfish\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/funnymuscle.com\/funny-muscle-mike-lukas-home\/standup-comedy-cd\/\">immaturity\u00a0<\/a>overwhelm any good he tries to do. America has difficulty tapping into his feelings and valuing anything other than maximizing his profits and buzz. Hypocritical tendencies: uses religion when it suits him but ignores it when it gets in the way of his power or money, then refers to it as &#8216;Socialism.&#8217; Truly a <a href=\"https:\/\/funnymuscle.com\/funny-muscle-mike-lukas-home\/about-mike-lukas-funny-muscle\/\">unique\u00a0<\/a>case.<\/p><p><strong>Personal note \u2013 <\/strong>Claudia, the cranberry\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.febreze.com\/en-us\">Febreeze\u00a0<\/a>isn&#8217;t cutting it, pls. use more petty cash to purchase white vinegar and half a gallon of kerosine.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-38c0c9d elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"38c0c9d\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-31365c5\" data-id=\"31365c5\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-dc7728f elementor-widget-divider--view-line elementor-widget elementor-widget-divider\" data-id=\"dc7728f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"divider.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-divider\">\n\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-divider-separator\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-60578ea elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"60578ea\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-6d7d698\" data-id=\"6d7d698\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c8f0d96 elementor-widget elementor-widget-template\" data-id=\"c8f0d96\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"template.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-template\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"section\" data-elementor-id=\"688\" class=\"elementor elementor-688\" data-elementor-post-type=\"elementor_library\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-483a781a elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"483a781a\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-settings=\"{&quot;background_background&quot;:&quot;classic&quot;}\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-background-overlay\"><\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-17968ac7\" data-id=\"17968ac7\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3cd28e5b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"3cd28e5b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div><h1><strong>Get the f<\/strong><strong>ree\u00a0<\/strong><strong>FUNNY MUSCLE Newsletter:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/h1><\/div><div><div style=\"box-sizing: border-box; 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Uncle Sam talks sports gambling and weed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2754,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"ocean_post_layout":"","ocean_both_sidebars_style":"","ocean_both_sidebars_content_width":0,"ocean_both_sidebars_sidebars_width":0,"ocean_sidebar":"","ocean_second_sidebar":"","ocean_disable_margins":"enable","ocean_add_body_class":"","ocean_shortcode_before_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_after_top_bar":"","ocean_shortcode_before_header":"","ocean_shortcode_after_header":"","ocean_has_shortcode":"","ocean_shortcode_after_title":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_widgets":"","ocean_shortcode_before_footer_bottom":"","ocean_shortcode_after_footer_bottom":"","ocean_display_top_bar":"default","ocean_display_header":"default","ocean_header_style":"","ocean_center_header_left_menu":"","ocean_custom_header_template":"","ocean_custom_logo":0,"ocean_custom_retina_logo":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_width":0,"ocean_custom_logo_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_tablet_max_height":0,"ocean_custom_logo_mobile_max_height":0,"ocean_header_custom_menu":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_family":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_subset":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_size":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_font_size_unit":"px","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_font_weight_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_tablet":"","ocean_menu_typo_transform_mobile":"","ocean_menu_typo_line_height":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_line_height_unit":"","ocean_menu_typo_spacing":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_tablet":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_mobile":0,"ocean_menu_typo_spacing_unit":"","ocean_menu_link_color":"","ocean_menu_link_color_hover":"","ocean_menu_link_color_active":"","ocean_menu_link_background":"","ocean_menu_link_hover_background":"","ocean_menu_link_active_background":"","ocean_menu_social_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_bg":"","ocean_menu_social_links_color":"","ocean_menu_social_hover_links_color":"","ocean_disable_title":"default","ocean_disable_heading":"default","ocean_post_title":"","ocean_post_subheading":"","ocean_post_title_style":"","ocean_post_title_background_color":"","ocean_post_title_background":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_image_position":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_attachment":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_repeat":"","ocean_post_title_bg_image_size":"","ocean_post_title_height":0,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay":0.5,"ocean_post_title_bg_overlay_color":"","ocean_disable_breadcrumbs":"default","ocean_breadcrumbs_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_separator_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_color":"","ocean_breadcrumbs_links_hover_color":"","ocean_display_footer_widgets":"default","ocean_display_footer_bottom":"default","ocean_custom_footer_template":"","ocean_post_oembed":"","ocean_post_self_hosted_media":"","ocean_post_video_embed":"","ocean_link_format":"","ocean_link_format_target":"self","ocean_quote_format":"","ocean_quote_format_link":"post","ocean_gallery_link_images":"on","ocean_gallery_id":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[442],"tags":[215,12,17,362,366,368,13,18,365,41,42,367,357,363,361,72,296,364,359,360,9,300,293,292,358,16],"class_list":["post-2732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment-content","tag-audio","tag-comedy","tag-comedy-writing","tag-counseling","tag-founding-fathers","tag-god","tag-humor","tag-humor-writing","tag-jesus","tag-laugh","tag-laughter","tag-legal-marijuana","tag-marijuana","tag-narcisism","tag-pyschotherapy","tag-sarcasm","tag-satire","tag-socialism","tag-sports-betting","tag-sports-gambling","tag-standup-comedy","tag-therapy","tag-us","tag-usa","tag-weed","tag-writing","entry","has-media"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Diary of America&#039;s Shrink: Socialism and Jesus - Finding Your Funny Muscle<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"America is seeing a therapist, and here we get a peek at the notes of each session. 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